The Turtle in Me

This might sound utterly ridiculous but I swear there is a turtle-like quality about me.....

http://www.myvirtualpartyspace.com/images/scaredturtle.jpg

Let me explain.....

There are times and places in my life when I feel like I am truly being myself.....Outgoing, Energetic, Fun, Crazy

Then there are times when I feel like I'm hidden....like I have pulled myself into a shell and refuse to come out....I am then shy, quiet, and introverted....

It's odd because people seem to get two completely different views of me....... Some see the real me....Some only see the Turtle in me......

I believe in a way they both describe me and who I am, but I am just failing to find the power to control the two......I want to be......me....not a turtle.....I don't want to be locked away in a shell. I have worked so hard the last few years to rip away at the shell the society had created for me, and although I have accomplished much in that process, it is not completed yet. For the turtle inside me can still find pieces to crawl into and become hidden.......

The Real World's Knocking on My Door. Can I Act Like I'm Not Home?

So I just finished my sophomore year in college, and that means I am halfway through my college experience. Soon I will pushed out into the big bad world with nothing to help me but the degree in my hand in the bits of random knowledge in my head.

Even now, I am beginning to see my security blanklet slipping away, as I am handed more tasks to complete and more responsibilities to uphold.

Everyone says that these times, these college years are the best years of you life. They are right! The friends I have made in these last two years are friends that I intend to keep forever and I already have enough memories to last a lifetime. But what they fail to say is the pressure that lurks around the corner of these years. The real world is a scary thing, and is the only thing on a college student's mind, especially in the final two years.

Is my resume good enough?

Do I have enough experience?

Will I be able to answer all their questions?

Are we ready?

Time will only tell!

My weekly game of musical chairs

http://handshapedchairs.com/chairs-u.jpg

It happens every Tuesday:

I leave lecture and go right to work so my boss can go to lunch.

While I do this all of my friends go and eat their food.

When it is finally time for me to go fill my stomach,I am left with no one to sit with.

Now I know that this shouldn't bother me, but it does!

Not quite sure why. I just feel like I am being judged and evaluated by all of those in the lunchroom.

I guess this is just a sign that my confidence in myself, although better than it once was, is still not up to what it could be.

Or it could simply mean that I am not one of those people that can sit alone at lunch.

Trying to brush it off....But the disappointment follows me!

Why does this world have to be filled with disappointment?

Why is it that you can tell yourself that it's OK and it doesn't
matter, but somehow you get crushed anyway?

Why does there always have to be someone out there that is better than you?

I guess, the only true way to go about answering that question is that without competition; there would be no fun in the world.

And If there were 2 winners then that would defeat the purpose. There has to be a loser.

And yes, it is true, there are people in this world that are better than you. The point of life is to use that to better yourself. and keep in mind, someone is out there, saying that very thing, referring to you!

Got a Case of the Nerves!

As you all probably know, I am going to portraying a role in one of the shows playing this weekend. This morning I woke up, stared at the ceiling for a moment and then suddenly realized that it was Thursday, which meant it was opening night!! My heart started beating faster than I thought it ever could and seemed as if it was rattling my entire body! After that initial feeling began to wear off, a feeling of extreme excitement ran over me.

I can't say that I am use to feeling like this. This is my first role here at school and my first real role EVER!!!! A part of me is terrified that I will find some way to mess it up. However, the other part of me is confident that I know my character enough to know what I'm doing.

I hope the second part's right!