My life has been going in what seems like hyper speed lately. I came under this new philosophy my Junior year and still haven't decided if it was a good or bad one.
I came under the true realization that I only have two years at this place and wanted to make the most of it. I don't want to leave here regretting not trying something I wanted. So, in that I inhabited some new activities and now I am fearing that I may be overloaded. Is it worth it?
I think the overall thought behind it was a good one. However, like many things in life and the history of it, it perhaps wasn't followed through in the best manner.
I probably should have taken it one step at a time. The problem with this philosophy at the time was I was seeing my time here fading faster than a rainbow hours after a rain.
I think that this problem I have created for myself all comes down to a fear. I am afraid of leaving, therefore I feel as though I must create as many memories for myself as possible so I would never be able to run short.
What I have to realize is that sure I will leave this place, but the friends I made here won't go away with it. This place is stationary, but the people and the memories are far from it!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
The Turtle in Me
This might sound utterly ridiculous but I swear there is a turtle-like quality about me.....
Let me explain.....
There are times and places in my life when I feel like I am truly being myself.....Outgoing, Energetic, Fun, Crazy
Then there are times when I feel like I'm hidden....like I have pulled myself into a shell and refuse to come out....I am then shy, quiet, and introverted....
It's odd because people seem to get two completely different views of me....... Some see the real me....Some only see the Turtle in me......
I believe in a way they both describe me and who I am, but I am just failing to find the power to control the two......I want to be......me....not a turtle.....I don't want to be locked away in a shell. I have worked so hard the last few years to rip away at the shell the society had created for me, and although I have accomplished much in that process, it is not completed yet. For the turtle inside me can still find pieces to crawl into and become hidden.......
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Afraid to Fail
This is one of those days where I feel like the world is crashing in around me....and all I can really do is stand there, watch it fall, and try my hardest not to get smashed by one of the pieces.
I feel like the world is asking a lot from me, and even though I know this is a good thing, I am afraid the world is going to one day attempt to withdraw once more from my ATM of duties, only to find they have run it dry.
I think my problem is I am so afraid to fail...so afraid to fall....that I am actually holding myself back!
I just pray that I can be given the patience to deal with these emotions fighting inside of me and hope that soon....my fear of failing will subside!
I feel like the world is asking a lot from me, and even though I know this is a good thing, I am afraid the world is going to one day attempt to withdraw once more from my ATM of duties, only to find they have run it dry.
I think my problem is I am so afraid to fail...so afraid to fall....that I am actually holding myself back!
I just pray that I can be given the patience to deal with these emotions fighting inside of me and hope that soon....my fear of failing will subside!
Friday, May 16, 2008
The Real World's Knocking on My Door. Can I Act Like I'm Not Home?
So I just finished my sophomore year in college, and that means I am halfway through my college experience. 
Soon I will pushed out into the big bad world with nothing to help me but the degree in my hand in the bits of random knowledge in my head.
Soon I will pushed out into the big bad world with nothing to help me but the degree in my hand in the bits of random knowledge in my head. Even now, I am beginning to see my security blanklet slipping away, as I am handed more tasks to complete and more responsibilities to uphold.
Everyone says that these times, these college years are the best years of you life. They are right!
The friends I have made in these last two years
are friends that I intend to keep forever and I already have enough memories to last a lifetime. 
But what they fail to say is the pressure that lurks around the corner of these years. The real world is a scary thing, and is the only thing on a college student's mind, especially in the final two years.
The friends I have made in these last two years
are friends that I intend to keep forever and I already have enough memories to last a lifetime. 
But what they fail to say is the pressure that lurks around the corner of these years. The real world is a scary thing, and is the only thing on a college student's mind, especially in the final two years. Is my resume good enough?
Do I have enough experience?
Will I be able to answer all their questions?
Are we ready?
Time will only tell!
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
The Epic Bug
The Epic Bug
As the ladybug
inched along
the tiled floor
With legs
moving at the
speed of light
Observing surroundings
getting closer
to tall objects
Closer
and closer
and even closer
Squish!
He meets
a foot
As the ladybug
inched along
the tiled floor
With legs
moving at the
speed of light
Observing surroundings
getting closer
to tall objects
Closer
and closer
and even closer
Squish!
He meets
a foot
Sunday, March 9, 2008
It's all about trust!
This weekend I learned a very important lesson. One that is vital in my walk with Christ. I learned to fully trust him with my life!
I mean, I always trusted in him but there was always a part of me that questioned God's reasoning for me.
"Why is this happening?"
"What could I possibly learn from this?"
This weekend my father was planning to come to visit us from Michigan. I don't get to see him very often so when I do it's a big occasion. The morning he was supposed to arrive I recieved a call. He explained to me that there was a huge snowstorm that hit Ohio making his bus dicuss the possibility of cancelling. He said he would call me later to give me the results of the discussion.
The moment I got off the phone I prayed that I would get to see my father later that day. An hour had passed before I recived the verdict.
He couldn't make it!
I was crushed!
I then began to wonder why God didn't let my dad come to me. It wasn't till my father called me back later that day that I recieved that answer.
" I can come in two weeks." My dad stated while trying to make the situation better.
As he said this, I glanced at my calendar. Two weeks was Easter weekend!. My dad hadn't been with us for Easter in at least 3 years! That's when I knew that this was all in God's plan. He wanted my dad to be with his family on Easter.
At that moment, I hit my knees and gave him praise!
I mean, I always trusted in him but there was always a part of me that questioned God's reasoning for me.
"Why is this happening?"
"What could I possibly learn from this?"
This weekend my father was planning to come to visit us from Michigan. I don't get to see him very often so when I do it's a big occasion. The morning he was supposed to arrive I recieved a call. He explained to me that there was a huge snowstorm that hit Ohio making his bus dicuss the possibility of cancelling. He said he would call me later to give me the results of the discussion.
The moment I got off the phone I prayed that I would get to see my father later that day. An hour had passed before I recived the verdict.
He couldn't make it!
I was crushed!
I then began to wonder why God didn't let my dad come to me. It wasn't till my father called me back later that day that I recieved that answer.
" I can come in two weeks." My dad stated while trying to make the situation better.
As he said this, I glanced at my calendar. Two weeks was Easter weekend!. My dad hadn't been with us for Easter in at least 3 years! That's when I knew that this was all in God's plan. He wanted my dad to be with his family on Easter.
At that moment, I hit my knees and gave him praise!
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
When She Sings
When She Sings
She sounds like a frog when she sings,
but I haven’t the heart to tell her.
She’s been singing since she was only two,
even then she couldn’t carry a tune.
She would invite me to all the concerts.
Yet she didn’t see the earplugs that I shoved in before the first song.
Even her parents will cringe at her voice.
But when asked how it was they nod and smile.
They have tried to spark her interest in other things,
like painting, baking, or the softball team.
She says that singing is her dream,
and that she will do anything to make it come true.
But she sounds like a frog when she sings,
and I haven’t the heart to tell her.
She sounds like a frog when she sings,
but I haven’t the heart to tell her.
She’s been singing since she was only two,
even then she couldn’t carry a tune.
She would invite me to all the concerts.
Yet she didn’t see the earplugs that I shoved in before the first song.
Even her parents will cringe at her voice.
But when asked how it was they nod and smile.
They have tried to spark her interest in other things,
like painting, baking, or the softball team.
She says that singing is her dream,
and that she will do anything to make it come true.
But she sounds like a frog when she sings,
and I haven’t the heart to tell her.
Warning to the Reader!!!
I wanted to take this time to explain the many poems that been seen on this blog lately. I am currently enrolled in a creative writing poetry class and want to share the work I am most proud of with my blog readers......
But I promise I will post one of my rants very soon.....
I just haven't had anything in my life to trigger one......
But just give it time......
For now, just enjoy the poetry!!!!!!~
But I promise I will post one of my rants very soon.....
I just haven't had anything in my life to trigger one......
But just give it time......
For now, just enjoy the poetry!!!!!!~
Monday, January 21, 2008
A Student’s Solitude
Solitude is like being the ghost in the crowd.
Screaming, Screeching, Shouting,
desperate to be heard.
Yet, my words seem to also be translucent and transparent.
What does it take to be noticed?
What does it take to make them see
that I am just as good as them,
just as smart,
just as talented,
just as qualified for the job of life?
What gives them the right to disregard me?
To treat me like week old milk?
To walk past me like I was a mutt at the pound that gets passed up for the puppies?
To declare me as someone undeserving of compassion and care?
Tell me,
What is wrong with me?
Tell me,
What can I change?
Tell me,
How can I make you happy?
Because that’s what it’s all about right?
Well I am tired of living my life for you!
I’m tired of trying to fit in!
I’m tired changing who I am!
So I have decided,
if you don’t like me,
and you have a good reason.
I will respect you.
But if you just dislike me simply because I’m quiet,
Then I’ll say “Right back at ya!”
Screaming, Screeching, Shouting,
desperate to be heard.
Yet, my words seem to also be translucent and transparent.
What does it take to be noticed?
What does it take to make them see
that I am just as good as them,
just as smart,
just as talented,
just as qualified for the job of life?
What gives them the right to disregard me?
To treat me like week old milk?
To walk past me like I was a mutt at the pound that gets passed up for the puppies?
To declare me as someone undeserving of compassion and care?
Tell me,
What is wrong with me?
Tell me,
What can I change?
Tell me,
How can I make you happy?
Because that’s what it’s all about right?
Well I am tired of living my life for you!
I’m tired of trying to fit in!
I’m tired changing who I am!
So I have decided,
if you don’t like me,
and you have a good reason.
I will respect you.
But if you just dislike me simply because I’m quiet,
Then I’ll say “Right back at ya!”
Thursday, January 17, 2008
When Faith Can Fly
When Faith Can Fly
A bird with wings to fly,
sits trapped in a cage.
The owner sits and admires the beauty of the bird,
and yet refuses to let it fly
What she cannot see,
is that by keeping the beauty for herself,
she is shielding the world from experiencing
the true beauty of the bird
that is seen as it takes flight.
A bird with wings to fly,
sits trapped in a cage.
The owner sits and admires the beauty of the bird,
and yet refuses to let it fly
What she cannot see,
is that by keeping the beauty for herself,
she is shielding the world from experiencing
the true beauty of the bird
that is seen as it takes flight.
Monday, January 7, 2008
What I Cannot Say
What I cannot Say is killing me inside
It's wanting to jump out
But is trapped behind my lips
How can I help if I cannot speak the truth?\
How can I be a friend if I cannot seek the answers?
Helping her would be so easy
If I could say the words I cannot say
It's wanting to jump out
But is trapped behind my lips
How can I help if I cannot speak the truth?\
How can I be a friend if I cannot seek the answers?
Helping her would be so easy
If I could say the words I cannot say
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