Why so shy?

Everyone has that one thing they would change about themselves. For me it would have to be my confidence around others.
I don't like that it takes me so long to open up to someone. Last year someone even held that fact against me. She said "You've been around us for almost 6 months now and you still won't talk!"
I can't explain it. And I can't really change it. I guess we all have a quality about us that is so embedded in our system that no matter how hard we try, we cannot remove it.

My Halloweeny mental block!

This blog is generally focused on the spilling of my thoughts on to the screen. But this time, I need your help! I'm taking my sister around trick-or-treating for Halloween and I have no idea what to dress up as!

In the past, I have taken on the roles of Wednesday Adams and a lady in a masquerade ball. However, for some reason, this year my ideas have come up short. I would appreciate any thoughts you could share on the issue. Although, you have to keep in my that all costume must be family appropriate. I am grateful to all the help I can get!

Why?

Have you ever had some one who you know hates every inch of you?
You don't understand it , and yet you hate them back for their original hatred.
Now let me ask you this:

Say tomorrow that person was gone. Would you still be upset for their leaving? Would you still mourn for them?
It's a weird thing. I don't quite understand it. But out of nowhere something will bring tears to my eyes. He was no friend of mine! He didn't even like me! Why am I crying for him? Is it because he hurt my family? Because he caused them pain by how he left?

As I have mentioned before, I believe in the saying "Everything happens for a reason". And in that I think I might know the reason for him in my life. He came to make me a stronger person. His constant yelling and putting me down showed me that I can't please everyone, no matter how hard I try. This summer I learned to stand up for myself and not allow myself to get stepped on. I also learned what war can really do to a person and how destructive it is, even after the last gunshot.

As for the tears, the only thing I can think about that is, although it may have not been positive all the time, he was in my life for months, and I do miss him being around. And I hate the fact that he thought to leave like that. I don't wish that on anyone. I also think I just hurt to think of how my family and loved ones were hurt and are still hurting.

Sorry this blog was so down, just needed to get these thoughts out of mind for awhile.